Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will
tend to remain at rest, unless acted
upon by some outside force - such as the opening
of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in
a straight line, unless there is a
really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers
and black sweaters attract cat hair
in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a
warmer to a cooler body, except
in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch
to a distance proportional to the
length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep
with people whenever possible,
in a position as uncomfortable for the people
involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her
body long enough to reach just
about any counter top that has anything remotely
interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on
the floor in such a position to
obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate
at a constant rate, until he gets
good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state
for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a
human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created
destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored
a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough,
someone will come along and take out something
good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump
bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over,
most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain
a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to
show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly
proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
cat will always land in the softest place possible;
often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining
Law of Fluid
cat immersed in milk will displace her own
volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
interest level will vary in inverse proportion
to the amount of effort a human expends in trying
to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to
a cat has the potential energy to
reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter +
It Doesn't Matter.